Here we go again! On the diet train. Choo Choo!

Right, so, I am finally in a good place mentally to be able to get on track with dieting and exercising. I tried to book in with my doctor this morning, but he's not there today. I wanted to go in and ask for help, but I am going to try again on Monday. I don't want pills or ops, I don't take too well to most medications, and I'm too much of a wuss job to have another op, so the natural way is my way forward! I once did the Eat Right For Your Type diet - also known as ER4YT - and I followed the O Diet, thinking my blood was the O +. Turns out I am AB+. Hmmmm. Yes, I am daft, but if you know me, you know that isn't unusual for me. Anyway, the diet was hard and very restricting, but it worked. For me. It won't necessarily work for everyone, and it has - as with so many diets - been accused of being a fad or unsafe. ALWAYS check with your doctor first before making dramatic changes. I cannot stress that enough. Even if I don't always follow my own advice, you can. GO TO YOUR DOCTOR! Where was I? Ah, yes, this diet.... It worked because I didn't stray from it, I worked hard and long hours, and the weight dropped off. More than two stones in about 6 months. Once that six months was up, I went back to eating fairly normally, and I did put a little weight back on, but not much.

The trouble is, I'm heading for 37 years of age, I haven't just gotten fatter, I've gotten lazier. I think the lazy and lack of motivation is the thing I'd love to change most about myself. I have very personal reasons I want to do this now, and it is my real motivation. Apart from wanting to support my sister, remain healthy for my kids; it's now about me and my needs. Luckily, my boyfriend loves me just as I am, but I'm lacking in the self-love department. I don't need to be skinny to love myself or feel loved, I just want some self-acceptance and I don't need to lose masses to get there.

So, here is what I'm thinking: Doctor on Monday, join a local gym, wrap up warm and get walking my dog (having a big garden isn't an excuse not to do it), get motivated and organised and change my eating habits. Oh, but I do love food. My downfall isn't always fat and sugar content; it's more about how much I eat. Last August after losing over a stone in weight, I had an operation to remove my gallbladder. Since then, I have put on almost two stone. I am gorging myself because I had (mentally) to starve myself last year to get the operation. I had to cut out all fat. I didn't mind that part actually, I found ways to cook without using fat, but I limited myself way too much, and wasn't adventurous enough. The fact is, I am a good cook. I can do this, I just need to exercise my imagination.

I'm curious to know what your motivations are. I may have to create another blog, because I didn't ever intend this to be about dieting; it was supposed to be about my life, my kids, and my experiences. So much to talk about, so much to write, but again, motivation is a problem! I will do this. Again and again if I have to! Share your tips and experiences with me!

Return to Form. I hope....

So, I've been away for over a month. Without boring you with the finer details, let's just say it has been an incredibly stressful couple of months, and I'm glad to be seeing the back of the beginning of 2013. I promised myself this year would be good to me. It will be good to me, and I'm starting by being good to myself.

During my 'hiatus', I failed to continue with dieting/healthy eating - whatever you want to call it. And as much as I don't want this to be a blog purely about dieting and losing weight or getting fit, it is about me. I want and need to lose weight. So, on Sunday, after finally feeling better - yet feeling somewhat fed-up of struggling to lift my legs up to put my sodding socks on - I decided to give Weight Watchers Online a go. I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with them. I know many people who have had great success with WW. I am not one of them. I've tried them several times in the past, but without much success. The fact is, I think I'm a binge eater. The only person who can control that is me. But where to start?

I've already struggled with WW and I'm only on day 3. I can't say the blame relies entirely at the door of WW HQ, but if they could adjust their points system so I know whether my Rice Krispies total points includes milk, I'd be ever so grateful. They need to take a leaf out of My Fitness Pal's book in that respect. Their food charts are incredible, because they're listed by thousands, if not millions of people. You're almost guaranteed to find what you're looking for, and it seems highly accurate. I've already looked at WW Facebook page, and people are questioning their new and improved app. Come on, guys! Sort it out for us little people! Anyway, the struggle came yesterday, on day 2. Well, given I only signed up on Sunday evening, yesterday was more like day 1. I was stood in my kitchen door way and right in front of me, across the room, I noticed I had left a cupboard door open. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with..... NUTELLA! 'Oooo, I'll have a spoon of that,' I thought to myself. One teaspoon turned into four. Oh. My. God. Divine! Oh, wait. Oh, yeah, I'm on a diet. I mentally kicked myself and then entered the points into my little WW app. I'm still under on points, and in my head I am starving. I need to learn self control. Quick. I'm wondering if anyone else forgets they are on a diet - and so quickly?

So, where am I at today? Well, my starting weight is fat. Within a month, I'd like to be a little less fat. I have mentioned before that I'm doing this for many reasons, but I am also doing it to support my little sister (she's 32 this year, but she's still my baby, I'm still five, and she cries a lot) who is on her own 'journey' (so cliche) to lose weight, so she can start IVF. Here's a link to her blog if you'd like to follow and show your support. Baby a Chance

Winter Blues

So the kids went back to school yesterday. I'm hoping for a return to my version of the norm, but I fear I'm already dragging my heels into 2013. In my defence, I've been ill, but I do annoy myself with how long it takes me to get going to do anything at all. I've lost 3lb in my first week. I am happy with that. Very happy. But I think I could have lost more if I'd gotten up off my arse and exercised. On top of that we have what looks to be the winter blues. Even my son with ASD who likes to wake up at midnight and thinks it's time to get up and play is sleeping more than usual. Do you struggle with exercise in the winter? How do you exercise at home? Are you motivated? I need tips!

Cravings

How do you deal with cravings. Yesterday was a mere three days into my healthy eating plan and I struggled more than I care to admit. How I didn't attack the baking cupboard for cooking chocolate, I'll never know. I did eat three Special K bars one after the other, but in my defense, I really am not feeling well. My excuse and I'm sticking to it!

To be honest, I wouldn't say that I'm craving anything in particular. I just want fatty, tasty stodge! I'm one step away from licking the butter pot, it's that bad! Am I craving it because I'm not well or is it because I'm a greedy so and so who hasn't adjusted to the idea of a 'diet' yet?

Motivation?

Today I'm thinking about motivation. It really does take a lot to get me going. I've started a healthy eating plan and while I intend to stick to it, I have to admit that it's going to take a monumental effort on my part to carry on and see just about anything through. I'm also thinking about unintentional saboteurs. You know the kind: 'Here, have a cake. One little cake won't hurt,' 'Have a drink, it's only one,' 'You'll never stick to it...' And the list goes on. We've probably all been guilty of sabotaging someone's good intentions at one time or another, but when we're the ones on the receiving end, boy, is it annoying. I live my life with the best of intentions, and wish I had a whole set of skills to keep me going onwards toward unbound greatness and achievement. Sadly, I can't organise the kitchen cupboards at times, so keeping myself on the straight and narrow with exercise and healthy eating, while trying desperately not to succumb to a Snickers is going to be some feat.

In the past I would have taken negative comments to heart and told myself they are right and I should just give up. I would then give up. I don't want to give up. I'm not giving up. Today's challenge is to get myself out of the house long enough to get some fresh air and exercise at the same time. I am eternally lazy, I hate walking, but that's what I'm going to do today. Despite the fact I'm one step away from coughing up a lung, I'm going to do it. Viruses suck.

So what gets you motivated, does it take a lot?

The F-Word

First off, if you don't like the F- word, you're not going to like this post. Fat. There, I said it. I'm fat. More importantly, I'm unfit. I don't baulk at the fat word, nor do I always see myself as fat, but I am clinically obese, and I need to change that without losing an ounce of my femininity and the very things I like about myself.

I don't like to set myself up for immediate failure, therefore, I don't make resolutions that I can't stick to. Invariably, that means I don't make any at all, because I'm not very good at sticking to things. You may think, 'well,  at least she's honest.' I'm not honest, I'm lazy.

2013 is going to be a year of determined change. At 36 years young, I think it's high time I grow up and create a positive outlook for myself. Actually, not just for me; this is for my children, too.

The first change I want to make - let's call them changes, I might just stick to it - is to lose weight and get healthy. I don't want to get thin, I want to get healthy. With already existing health problems, I want to make my life a little easier when walking up the stairs, when out walking, or even just cleaning the house. To put it bluntly, I'm a short arse. A short arse with a big arse. I like my bum, that's not the issue, I don't always feel big, but I do feel unfit. I'm aiming to change that part of me the most.

My younger sister also has weight issues she's trying to tackle for very different reasons. She wants to be a mummy to her own child. To do this, she has to lose weight to be eligible for IVF. I'm doing this with and for her. I want to be a support so that when she's struggling to put that can of Irn Bru down, I can struggle with her. I want her to be a mummy, too.

Today, my starting weight is 'fat'. Tomorrow I'll be a little less fat. I'm blogging because it means I can talk about it without talking about it. Follow my story here. I've already refused a sugary drink and a bar of chocolate today. I feel lighter already!

Wonder if I'll exercise today.....