Day 25 - Something I read online
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/07/28/pedigree-chum-bear-baitin_n_3666861.html?utm_hp_ref=uk
Anyone who knows me, knows bears are my thing. My nickname is Clairebear, my boyfriend is a Benjibear. Yeah, we're sappy and don't care who knows it. We're also dog people. What the actual fuck are Royal Canin playing at? It was a mistake apparently. Well it's a bit of a biggie. I don't think it will deter most from buying their products, but I for one will be avoiding them like the plague until this is rectified. It's barbaric and I cannot believe that in 2013, this still happens in the world - and that's only the start.
What's everyone else reading?
I guess there are a lot of good and bad things I've been told about myself. Trouble is, it tends to be the bad things that stick in our memories; that's usually because all the worst things we think about ourselves are often overshadowed by the possibility that there is something even worse.
I want to stick to the good things and not contradict any of them. I'm one of those people who will get a compliment and not take it. I hate that about myself. I really should have put that in my top three worst traits!
I have a nice smile.
I am unique
I make people think differently.
I am caring
I think those are the things I remember most.
What's been said to the other ladies taking part in the 30 day blog challenge?
Day 24 - My top three worst traits.
1. I am too open. It means I love to much, put too much trust into people and end up being let down because I give too easily. All this leads to number 2:
2. I moan too much. Well, some call it moaning, I call it grasping at straws so I can find out where I stand among the uncertainty of life.
3. I laugh inappropriately. I always laugh when people fall over. I laugh when I fall over. It's pretty bad really, but I think I do it through nerves. I laugh to cover any kind of pain - especially emotionally just to convince myself I'm happy.
See what the other lady's top traits are.
Day 20 - Getting Real.
I already talked about my son's health, so what do I talk about now? My concerns about leaving Harry feeling left out because I have to spend so much time with Charlie? I feel like that's recent old news. How about my financial struggles? Man, that bores me, so I know you don't want to hear it. I'm settling on my weight. My struggle with weight and body confidence and people's attitude to weight and size.
In my eyes (and I stress that it's in my eyes), I was never slim or thin. Of course, knowing what I know now, I know that's absolute bollocks. There was a time you could have posted me through a letterbox with air to spare. I only wish upon wish that I had valued and appreciated what I had back in my late teens, and again in my early-mid twenties. Maybe I wouldn't be sat here now writing about it. The trouble is, not all of us are built with an athletic build, or naturally great muscle tone. Some of us have to work really hard to even lose a pound. Sometimes it feels unfair and unjust, but it feels even worse when you're told you can't do it, you'll never do it, or you'll always be porky. 'Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!' That's all I have for the doubters.
As a race, we humans like to point out the obvious without ever considering the consequences of our words and the impact they have on a person's soul. We are ALL guilty of it one way or another, or at one time or another. There are vast cases of the pot calling the kettle, tit for tat, and downright bullying whatever your size. Why are any of us standing for it? I read a brilliantly written blog the other day that raved about body confidence, but in the same breath, it was mentioned that losing weight was for losers. It wasn't quite put like that, and I can't even recall who it was written by, but the fact is, telling someone not to lose weight because you're fat and you like it, doesn't make it right for the next person. My sister is bigger than me. She is confident with her body because her husband loves her just the way she is, but she has to lose weight if she wants to have a better chance of conceiving. It's that simple and she knows this. However, she has basically been told she's not even fat enough to be part of the plus size community by some and is worried on some levels about being outcast from the community she's come to love. Bollocks. Fat and a healthy attitude are not mutually exclusive; neither is thin and being a bitch. There's attitude and then there's Attitude. One is positive, one isn't. The road you take is up to you. Your attitude makes you everything you are. Anger and negativity to people who are different to you, or who maybe even see you differently to themselves does not make you beautiful; nor does it make you right. Your soul does that, and if your soul isn't shining like a beacon, then maybe you should be questioning yourself instead of accusing and ostracising someone based on their weight and/or looks or how they may have treated you in the past. Telling someone not to lose weight is just as bad as telling someone they must. Of course, there are absolutely extreme cases on both ends of the spectrum that do require intervention, but for the most part, what bloody business is it of anyone's but our own?
I am fat. I am comfortable with the word because that's what I see when I look in the mirror. I see chub, I see flub, and I see the world atlas drawn on my stomach, thighs and butt. But, fuck, I am proud of it. I don't always like what I see, but I earned every line, every aching, itching stretch mark is testament to carrying my beautiful twins all those eleven years ago. Are they to blame for the flub and chub? No way. Bed rest and too many crisps are. So is being lazy, eating and drinking too much is also to blame. I am the way I am because I put myself here, and now I'm doing something about it. I would love to plus size blog, but what about when I'm no longer plus size? Who caters for the people on the other side or in between? This is why my blog is a 'mixed bag'. I love that my sister called it that. It's why I like this blog by Georgina. There's no real distinction between fat and thin. My sister is as she is and she's blogging about what she loves: fashion. And she's plus size. George is doing exactly the same and telling everyone whether you're fat or thin, you are still a woman with your own shape and you should embrace it. I adore the idea of plus size fashion. I love all the ladies who blog below. I love fashion. I don't love attitude based on bad experience that tarnishes too many people. I have thin friends who still think they're fat, and I'm all, 'Please, love, let me show you my overhang and then we'll talk.' But the fact is, any woman of any size can have body confidence issues. We should all respect that. ALL OF US.
I will probably always struggle with my weight, and I will never be completely comfortable with what I see, but I work on that daily. I'm losing weight, because when I'm walking up the stairs and am out of breath half way up, with creaking knees and perspiration; it's time to act. I joined Slimming World and I am loving it.
I am also very blessed to have a man in my life who loves me regardless, he strokes my stretch marks with fascinated abandon, and he makes me feel good. I no longer have a husband who tells me he doesn't love the 'parts of me' (ie. the fat) he didn't marry and making me feel like shit. Getting shot of that negativity was half the battle. Be who you want to be, but don't judge someone because of their size. It's child's play. Embrace the differences.
Don't forget to check out the other ladies getting real. I haven't had a chance to read them yet, so you can test me later!
Day 19 - Five of my favourite blogs and why I love them.
Hmmm, this is a tricky one, but only in the sense that I am pretty new to blogging and haven't read that many. You have the list that I include with every challenge post, but I will try to narrow my favourites down. These are in no particular order....
http://parkersfightagainstpkd.blogspot.co.uk/ << This is Parker. Parker has the same rare disease as my son - only it's a much more severe case that resulted in his kidneys being removed when he was just a teeny-tiny baby. His kidneys were almost as big has his body and crushed his lungs. He's now doing exceptionally well on dialysis and is officially on the list to receive a transplant, and will do so from the blinding generosity of a live donor. I am lucky enough to be able to follow this story daily. He's a true inspiration, and still a baby toddler!
http://www.lilybobombslovelylumps.com/ << This is my sister's blog. She started plus size blogging over a year ago and she loves it. It's brought her so much more confidence, lovely new friends, and considering she's dyslexic, I think she writes it brilliantly.
http://fullerfigurefullerbust.com/ << The lovely Georgina is changing lives with her posts. She's an advocate for the fuller figure and fuller bust, and body confidence. She talks frankly about her own weight struggles, visits to the gym, and how she's come to love herself more, but equally importantly, she educates us on the correct bras and on fashion! Love her style!
To be honest, I'm a little bit stuck now, because they are the only ones I really knew until recently, but I can tell you that the ladies below have great plus size fashion blogs, so take a look. And if I think of any more, I'll post them here.
Day 18 - A story from my childhood.
I can remember my very first memory. Certain things are hazy, but the one thing I do remember is that I was two and on a ferry to the Isle of Man. I can remember dancing around in my blue dress in what must have been the lounge area or something similar. I remember everyone telling me how pretty I looked and what I good dancer I was. People are biased with toddlers!
I remember the day we moved from Lingdale/Boosebeck in Cleveland, North Yorkshire to London. I remember how much we all cried as we waved goodbye to friends and family. If I were to have any regret, it would possibly have been leaving there, but it was out of my control. Who knows how life could have been if I'd stayed there. Maybe worse, maybe better. I'll never know. And as I don't have any regrets in life (a lot of 'if only,' but no regrets), I can't say I'm overly sad at what could have been. I just miss a lot of people that I would never have had to miss had we stayed.
I remember a holiday on the Norfolk Broads. My sister fell in after I chased her along the little harbour. It was terrifying but a man came to our rescue and she came back with an eel in her trainer. It's all good.
See what memories the other ladies are reliving in their blogs!
Day 17 - A Favourite Photo Of Myself And Why.
There's probably a tonne of other photos I could choose other than this one that people would find much nicer, but for me, this is it.
It was taken on Thursday 14th March, which is probably the last time I felt totally secure and happy in myself. It's a memory of a perfect day that was filled with laughter and love, and a loaded question that changed me a little. It's a photo of hope, happiness and true love. And a strawberry! You can't be happy without a strawberry!
What are everyone else's favourite photos?
Day 14 - 10 Things That Make Me Happy
1. Without a shadow of a doubt, it's the sound of my children laughing. That totally genuine chuckle that comes from within, and usually happens as a result of something the other has done is like liquid gold. There's nothing else like it in the world.
2. That feeling of being totally loved and respected by your other half. Anyone in the real world knows this feeling isn't with you always, but those days when you can just feel it because they are breathing in your soul is immense.
3. When my dog, Milly, snuggles up to me because she knows I'm upset. I've never known such an intuitive animal with my own feelings. She's my little rock. We got her a couple of years ago, and if I'm honest, I was at a very low ebb in my life. She helped turn things around.
4. Watching movies under a duvet on the floor with the kids or the other half while eating ourselves stupid on things that are bad for you.
5. The colour blue. Why not. Blue is my favourite colour.
6. Polka dots. Blue and white polka dots remind me of the day my uncle Sean got married, and my granny wore a blue and white polka dot dress. I thought she looked beautiful. And looked much nicer than the other lady who wore the exact same dress on the day!
7. Playing Red Dead Redemption online with my other half. We don't live together, so it's why we can do this. It's so silly to some, but I don't have much of an interest in going out and socialising, so this time together is precious to me. Unfortunately, we've done everything we can do on there and then some, so now we await the release of GTA5.
8. The cherries growing on my potted cherry tree. I have it in a pot because we bought it as a symbol of something very special in our lives, but I won't plant it in the ground until I know I'm settled in a place forever. We also have a Magnolia tree in a pot for a similar reason. I want to plant them so desperately, but with no solid roots (in all senses of the word), it's difficult to know what to do with them.
9. My tomatoes growing. They are one of my proudest achievements (behind the kids, obviously), because I am known for my ability to kill even the hardiest of plants. These are my masterpiece, and I can't wait to show them to you!
10. Laughing. I laugh pretty much all the time. When I'm not laughing and cross, you know there's something amiss. But laughter truly makes me happy and makes me feel like nothing can get in my way.
What makes everyone else happy? Take a look!
Day13- Issue a public apology
First of all, I must apologise for getting so far behind with the blog challenge. To say the past week has been a busy one would be an understatement. I've missed so much. There's a blog coming up of a day in my life with photos, but I may have to switch that around until I get more organised.
My second public apology goes out to my boyfriend because I am always right.
My third public apology goes out to everyone who underestimates me. I am sorry that I always end up with the upper hand because you're too stupid to see me for who I am and treat me with the respect I deserve. It's a sad day in your paradise when you can't be a stand up person, man up, grow a pair of cojones and live your life with any kind of truth or value.
My fourth public apology is to my family and friends for not being better at calling.
My fifth public apology is to my children for not being the kind of mother I always intended to be.
Go see what the other ladies are saying sorry for and to whom....
